Suicide Jaune
by Kegi Springfield
Summary: There's an old saying in vale. Life is beautiful, but Death is lurking in every corner. But for Jaune Arc, Life is a bully and death seems to avoid him. Rated M for the suicide theme, swearing and may be lemons in the future
1. Prologue

SUICIDE JAUNE

Current Beta BY Twisted Fate MK 2

Previous Beta Jacob Rickshaw

There's an old saying in vale. 'Life is beautiful, but Death is lurking in every corner.' But for Jaune Arc, life is simply a bully and death seems to avoid him like the plague. Ever since he was little, his body has been weak. He was small and slow compared to the other kids in his age group, and he spent his early childhood days on a hospital bed.

Everyone in his family has always been a great huntsmen or huntress. It's always been that way, for generation, each were the best of their time with very few people who could claim to be their equals. One weak child like Jaune, who was even weaker than an average child in the family full of talented warrior,s was a massive disgrace to his family's honour. And honor, honor was what Arcs favored above all else.

Even his little sister who was two years younger than him surpassed him in everything she did that he himself failed at. His parents gave up on him and practically abandoned him completely when they realized how pathetic and weak he was. None of his relatives even bothered to look at him at all, if it could be helped. Even after Jaune worked hard in his studies to compensate for his weak body, his sister still beat him easily with her near perfect scores. Like rubbing a wounds with salt, she always came to him to show him how much she achieved.

His parents could only be bothered to take passing glances at his achievements before returning their attention to his little sister. The only one who really looked at him was only his kind grandfather and his perfect little sister, both of which loved him dearly enough to see beyond his frailty and failures.

Life was hard for him, but it was always still tolerable for the young Jaune to bear. But when he was twelve years old, his kind, loving grandfather died in battle protecting a city from Grimm. It was, according to the Arcs, a good death to fall in battle against Humanity's great foe and as such his name was to be celebrated.

It was a huge impact for both of his grandchildren. But a joy for their parents.

In his will, He gave Jaune their family famous Yellow death, The Crocea Mors. The one that was supposed to be owned by the family head. By giving Jaune that sword, it's the same as giving him the position of clan head.

But Jaune's father couldn't careless about some old sword nor family tradition and took the position of clan head. And no one bothered to against it. They all think his grandfather has gone senile and crazy to leave the clan in the hand of a failure like Jaune and took Crocea Mors from Jaune.

After the death of his kind grandfather, All Jaune had left was his little sister. Sure, she was also one of his sources of agony, but she doesn't mean it at all. She could not help it, and Jaune didn't hold it against her. She was just too perfect in everything she did that he doubted he had the same blood running through his veins as her.

But their family couldn't even leave them together. No. They kept her busy with all her private lessons and competitions that she didn't have time to even meet with her big brother anymore like she used to and like he needed. While they took Jaune away to do some menial thing that didn't even make sense for him to be doing. The treatments and drugs, therapies and tests, none of them had any massive effects on him like they had ever promised.

When he was fourteen, He failed at his entrance exam to one of the many fighting schools in Vale, drastically increasing the disappointment and shame of his parents. To make it worse, his little sister skipped grade and entered with the highest score of her class.

He tried, damn it! He studied as much as he could, he even aced the written tests on par with his genius of a sister. But his physical exam ruined everything. It's recorded to be the worst in the school history, even compared to the girls results.

Fed up with his failures, his family finally forced him to drop out and locked him in his room without anyway to contact the outside world, saying that it'll disgrace their family if the world knew about a failure like him and that he should be grateful they didn't just kill him on the spot.

Jaune understand that, but what really hurt him was he's not even allowed to meet with his little sister anymore. Even when his little sister came, they're only allowed to talk with the door between them. Even that much was only at her insistence, his family only allowing it when she threatened to sabotage her own efforts.

Their parents were clearly unhappy with how much his little sister was attached to him. Someone weak like him wasn't any good influence on someone strong like her, or so his family had continued to assert without end. They'd prepared someone to replace him at one point, but his sister broke his legs as soon as he was introduced and threatened more if they tried again. They prepared a fiancé for her, she also broke his legs saying she would never consent to something arranged like that. .

They tried to forcefully separate them at one time, and she became physically violent and threatening. They gave up trying to separate them after that, deciding it to be too much of a gamble. His sister was happy that they had finally stopped, but he was not in the least. After years of living in his own house like a ghost with no one to talk to other than his sister, he concluded that he just couldn't stay in that house any more.

His parents and relatives aside, the reason why he couldn't stay anymore was mainly because of his little sister. Don't get it wrong, he loved her dearly and he knew that she did too. He also didn't mind seeing all of her achievements, as he's proud of her like the rest of his family is because of how splendid she is.

He can't stay because of her admiration to him. That she bound herself to him so fully, enough to threaten her family with her own failure. She has always overestimated him too much, and he had quickly grown afraid that she'll fall from her grace because she followed in her failure brother's steps. He didn't want people to see her as a failure's little sister. He didn't want her to experienced what he has experienced.

He want her talents to bloom and known everywhere in this world. And his existence prevented her to do so. With him around, she won't get to know how big the world is, she won't grow much after she top everyone around here. She's bound to him and that's bad for her. That's why their parents tried to separate them, why they hated him, because their pride is too attached to her to risk such a failure.

He loves her dearly as his only real family left to him in this cruel, twisted world. That's why he had to go, before he destroyed everything good about her. At his seventeenth birthday, when his family went out to celebrate another one of his sister's many achievements, and the servants have all given paid holiday as part of the celebration, leaving him alone in that huge house. Jaune decided to leave. Decided he had to leave, for her own good.

He packed all of his belongings that night and ran away from the house that had locked him away for years. But before he could, there was something else he had to finish first. Something he needed to do before he could move on.

He first went to his sister's room, slipping a letter into their secret place that their grandfather had shown them when he was still alive. He hoped that she still remember that place and will found the letter. The letter contained his apology and reasons why he had to leave. As well as his feelings toward his younger sibling. He didn't know if she'd ever forgiven him for leaving her alone. But he knew it was for her own good.

After placing his letter, he went to the main hall. There, he looked at the collection of weapons hanging on the walls. It all looked cool, new, high-tech and deadly in every facet. But his attention was focused only on the old sword hanging on the wall in the corner of the room, totally out shined by the other weapons in terms of sheer grandeur and sheen.

His Crocea Mors , the last memento from his grandfather. Abandoned by his father and left hanging on the main hall, the Crocea Mors that had slain countless Grimms and enemy from their great-great-great-grandfather in this era are now only used as a decoration. And it hurt Jaune a lot to see it. Especially that the sword was also used by his beloved grandfather and had been meant for him to wield.

Jaune took his sword from the wall, reclaiming what was taken from him and left without a word, considering whether or not he should be worried about hiding his trail. Why bother though? His family won't even notice him gone nor that Crocea Mors was missing for a few days at ;east. Afterall, he was just a failure that the entire family minus his sister tried to forget and it was an old decorative sword left on the wall to rust.

And when they noticed, will they even try to search for him? No, if anything they'll be happy that the failure is gone and will die horribly in the outside world without shaming the Arc name any longer.

But Jaune didn't plan to die without doing anything of worth, if he could help it at least. He did live on the street for a few months, but he didn't die there like a rat. Although he did have to take to living like a rat.

He tried to survive with everything he had before he managed to forge his transcript and applied to all the boarding school in Vale, trying to get aways as far as he can. But out of all academy he applied to, only one replied to him to any extent.

The prestigious Beacon Academy.

He couldn't contain his excitement at the thought of going there. He thought that maybe he could learn to be better there, he thought he could finally become a better man there, he even dared to think he could be a hero that could walk back into his household with honor and earn his family's love.

But he was wrong, just like he always had been and felt he always would be. Going to Beacon was not the thing to make his life better in any way. He's still bullied, looked down by everyone and the worst failure in Beacon history, a shame upon the establishment and his team.

The only difference is that he has friends now. Ones that he think he doesn't deserve to have, constantly pulling them down with his failings and weakness. All of his friends are way better than him and each are special on their own way, excelling in combat and study alike with next to no problem.

Ruby his first female friend and best friend is a child prodigy, the cutest and most adorable girl he ever saw. Weiss is an heiress to the most well known and biggest dust company in of the most gracefull, smart and beautiful girl he has ever met. And the one he gave his heart to, though she rejected as he deserved. Blake is a cool beauty who excels in stealth and reminds him a lot of those female spies he saw in the movies. Yang is a very strong brawler that could crush anyone she met if they'd proven foolish enough to hurt her, not to mention a total beauty and a bombshell on top of that. She also had that cool bike that could go incredibly fast, her pride and joy.

Pyrrha is an undefeatable champion whose appearance was plastered on a cereal box for her accomplishments. A really kind and gentle lady you could sometimes mistook for a mother with all her motherly features, constantly caring for those around her. Nora is an incredible, unique, but innocent lady who's arguably the strongest in terms of pure, physical strength among the first year class. Can make a mountain of pancakes disappeared in seconds and fight an Ursa Major. And Ren is the best brother one can ever ask for. A master at martial arts and aura manipulations. Last time he checked it he's also a champion at DDR championships in Vale.

All of his friends are good, wonderful and amazing people. And him?

A resident fool, and a walking failure. The very definition of what huntsman and huntresses are not meant to be. All the insults and mockery about him not deserving to be a leader were all true, down to a tee. Miss Glynda Said it, Cardin said it, some random bystanders had said it, and even his crush said it.

He knows that doesn't deserve to be a leader, if anything it was supposed to be Pyrrha who became a leader. Or maybe Ren, even Nora was way better choice than him. People in Beacon thought he was just a happy go lucky guy who's doesn't care about anything around him in the slightest. But they're wrong. So very desperately wrong. Jaune is a really emotional guy who tends to hold everything to himself, bottling it inside of himself.

He discovered that he had a severe case of motion sickness, he awakened an ancient Deathstalker at initiation, endangering the lives of his friends. His training with Pyrrha doesn't show any results worthy of note. Being locked up in his room for years made him far inferior to Pyrrha's level and rendered what he could learn limited. His grade is at dead last, in battle he's nothing but death weight, the girl he liked ignored him at best and froze him out regularly, a new guy took her entire attention and he'd been knocked out in two hits with a flying turkey.

His depression combined with his cowardly and pessimistic nature piled up since his childhood finally forcing himself to his limit. He had been struggling for all of his life without any results, and no matter how he tried to not give up he still reached a point where he just can't take it anymore.

He had resolved to try like everyone else, he'd fought like everyone else, he gave his all in everything he did. He studied hard all day, but there's just one thing he lacks.

Because he doesn't have it, his parents ignored him.

Because he doesn't have it, his family threw him away.

Because he doesn't have it, he was forced to forge his transcript to go to Beacon, and barely even did that right.

Because he doesn't have it, everyone ridiculed him all his life.

Because he doesn't have it, he endangered his comrades life over and over again. It was a wonder they had survived this long at that.

Talent.

Many say, just work harder than anyone! Don't ever give up! Do that and you'll climb high no matter what. But you still need a talent to do so. Some people claimed that they're talentless, but managed to get stronger with hard work alone.

That's exactly their talent though. A talent for hard working was a talent in and of itself. A talent of strength and endurance. You need a talent, any talent, to sit as a foundation upon which you could build your castle. No matter how much hard work you do if your foundation is too weak it'll just all crumbled down, wasted up. Or in some case, you'll destroy yourself. The most powerful looking, impressive castle could fall without any chance if it stood on sand.

Look at Ruby for example. She said herself that she was total garbage before her uncle took her under his wing and trained her into a spinning red death machine.. How long ago was that? Two years? Three years?

Just Look at her now! She outmatched almost everyone in the first year, maybe even a couple of the more senior students. If that's not talent, then what? Hard work? Get real. Then why did he, who did everything he could all of his life, fail to even beat a normal bully? He was cursed since birth to be wimpy all of his life. His early sickly self had doomed him to be pathetic for life, forever weak and inept.

He doesn't hate his friends. Not even one bit. If anything he hated himself for being such a failure and talentless. Everyone, no matter how strong, has their limits. And after a long struggle, Jaune Arc has finally reached his.

His heart finally giving up after his last attempt to confess his feelings to Weiss only to see her asking the handsome boy they met just the day before. They just met, and his advances were really similar to him. What next? He's going to sing for her and she'll love it?

Jaune had enough of it.

He know that everyone has their own share of a story, but at the very least they can fight back or try getting strong by all that hardship. But not him, he doesn't even have a chance to fight back nor a chance to get stronger before he gets annihilated. And he's fed up with it.

So he took the last option to fight this unfair life. One last option that anyone can take, no matter how strong or weak. One last option he never thought nor considered before, even in his darkest days. But now, it's the only one left to him.

To die, by his own hand. He had considered going into the forest to die in battle but that would lead to his team eventually following him, and risking themselves as a result. But this was for the best, the best combination he could hope for.

His little sister won't need to look up to such a failure like him anymore, nor worry after him constantly like she always did. His family could finally stop pretending he was never there as he would be dead, and suicide would at least somewhat reduce his shame and theirs. His friends won't need to be embarrassed and annoyed by him anymore, as leader or otherwise. His team can get a better teammate and a leader who could truly lead them.

They won't be dragged down by him anymore, ever., Everything will be just fine or maybe even better without him around to ruin it all.

He took Crocea Mors, and put it on his wrist. Despite it's being already over a century old in age, the sword is still as sharp as the day it was forged. Even slicing down an army of Grimm like a searing knife through butter will not be a problem for it. The problem is just him, the wielder, the one that will soon ended by itself. He knows that his grandfather will be disappointed in him, That his sister will be sad, and he doesn't know how many of his friend will cry at his funeral, if he got one.

He knows his choice is wrong, or at least that his friends will see it as such. But he just can't take it anymore, and knows it will be for the better for them. Just like leaving his sister as he had done, he was doing what was best.

Jaune took a deep breath once again and let it out slowly, steeling his resolve. "Alright, here goes nothing…"

And with that, he slit up across wrist.


	2. Chapter 1 Death by Wrist Cutting

**Chapter 1**

**Death by Wrist Cutting**

**(Warning! There's a lemon in this chapter, please skip it if you don't like lemon especially raep lemon)**

Believe it or not, but the suicide rate in Beacon is actually quite high.

With the best of the best of the best gathered in the Beacon, All of the students are pressed by the absurd responsibility and expectations from their surrounding, Something that even an adult can't normally stand.

All of that expectation combined with the stress from the lessons, pile of works and assignment, dangerous missions, fighting for their life and sometimes losing their friends. Even for them who was the best in their own turf, the amount of pressure is ridiculous.

Under all of that, Normal students will fail their classes, get held back a year or drop out all together.

But for the students in Beacon, failing is not an option.

It will be a disgrace to themselves, their family and the place they came from. Those who're mentally weak and unstable, or those who can't take a risk of drop out will most likely resort to suicide.

Out of a hundred of freshmen, at least a quarter of them will disappear before they reach second year, the number keep decreasing each year that by the time of graduation the graduating teams can be counted by your hand. There was even one time in the past when the freshman were wiped out clean.

No one seems to notice the declining number of students right away, because the number of freshmen they get each year will fill up the empty spots and replace those who're gone.

The security camera installed in every corner of beacon was not only there to prevent an intruder, it's also there to monitor the students activities and their mental condition. To make sure that they didn't foolishly take of their life and let them drop out all by themselves.

A natural selection you might say. But it's necessary for those who stay to adapt and evolved rapidly as the world after their graduation is an even harsher place than the academy

It's already a public's secret that Beacon have a high rate of suicide and death compared to the other hunter school. However, The selected few who managed to stay and graduated will most likely become a famous hunter in the future. That's one reason why beacon is one of the best hunter school in remnant. It's Because of the quality of their graduates. Even knowing that you came from Beacon will almost guarantee a prosperity.

They're the reasons why the professors weren't all that surprised when they heard about Jaune's suicide attempt. It's a common thing especially among the first year students. In fact, since the initiation there's already more than a thirty suicide attempt by the other students. Half of them are already leaving Beacon. Quite a few compared to last year, but that doesn't change the fact that there's a lot of students trying to kill themselves right and left.

What surprise them was it took him this long to finally gave in.

As for the blond boy himself, he's currently lying on infirmary bed, Resting peacefully after his surgery to reattached his hand.

Like mentioned before, the number of suicide in Beacon is quite high. But thanks to their line of job Beacon are prepared and gathered the best man power and technologies to prevent their students from dying as much as they can.

This time was not an exception.

Even the room he's currently lying on is a special room with high concentration oxygen for faster effect.

The wall to the room has a big glass to let the visitors looking at the patients

His friends are gathering in front off his bed room, Watching as the blond boy sleeping peacefully from behind the glass wall.

contrary to the sleeping boy, his friends are pretty much in an uproar among themselves.

"Why? Why did he tried to kill himself? Why? Is it my fault? It is my fault isn't it?"

"Sis, it's not your fault"

"But it's my fault Yang! It has to be my fault!"

"Ruby! Get a grip on your self! It's Jaune we're talking about, it might not even a suicide! He might just try to cut something and accidentally cut himself"

"He's NOT That Stupid Weiss!"

"He's stupid! He's really stupid! I mean… He did it because of me isn't he?"

"Weiss.. not you too"

"Do you think I don't know? We all know how much he likes me and how pure his feeling was. Even a blind man can tell! Do you think I'm that much of a ice queen to not realize it? He never see me for my name, nor my money. He love me because I'm Weiss… I know that! And yet… I turned him down and went with Neptune instead. Someone I just met twice, trice at most… I hurt him so much… It was my fault…"

Ruby and Weiss began to cry.

"It's not just your fault… It's our fault! He has always been the one who cheered on us, to make us happy and cheerful with his goofy act. But… what did we do to him? I know that he's hiding something that he's holding something, but I just ignored him… thinking that it was just stupid thing like his crush on Weiss… I should have talk to him. But I'm not… "

"Blake… Not doing anything doesn't make it your fault"

"Yes it is Yang! And Don't act like you didn't do anything!"

"What? Blake, you know that…. I'm just teasing him! … well, I admit I burn him a couple of time, Make him into my punching bag… force him to do stuffs for me…. Teasing him around And…. Oh man… you're right…"

"NO! it's the CRDL Fault! It's their fault isn't it? I'LL BREAK THEIR LEGS! NO! I'LL BREAK ALL THEIR BONES!"

"Nora, calm down! We still don't know yet! And Pyrrha, put down your weapons! We're not going to break someone's bones before we even know what happened first! Girls! We won't solve anything by blaming yourselves like this nor breaking someones bones. All we can do now is pray for his well being."

"how can you be so calm Ren! Don't you worried about Jaune at all? Does he not important to you?"

"Of course he's important to me! He's my friend! My leader! Do you really think I feel nothing about this?"

"Gasp! Gay Option!"

"What are you talking about ? AAARGGHH!"

They girls keep shouting of breaking someone's leg and blaming theirselves until Ozpin and Glynnda came and tell them to leave as the visiting hour has long since end and they need some rest themselves.

Of course they don't obey them right away. Even a honor student like Weiss, Pyrrha and Ren insisted to stay and watch over the boy. But Despite their protest, Ozpin and Glynnda finally managed to convinced them to get them back to their rooms, mostly with a crumb stomp battle against Glynnda.

Glynnda see the retreating students while massaging her temple.

She was going easy on them, but they're still the strongest team in the first year. A bit force was necessary to subdue them.

"Freshmans…. Every year there's always a group who cares too much for their friend like that. Not like it's a bad thing. But they really need to get used to this. Losing a friend that is"

"…"

"Sir?" Glynnda asked the headmaster, who seems to be totally ignoring her and focusing on something else.

Since they entered the infirmary, Ozpin hasn't shifted his attention from the sleeping boy, and once in a while looking at Jaune's medical record in his hand.

"Interesting…"

He said as he take a sip from his mug.

* * *

(RUBY POV)

The visiting hours have long since ended.

But I need to see him. I need to looked at him. I want to be there for him.

I wanted to know if he's okay. I wanted to know if he hated me. I wanted to know what did I do wrong.

After all, it was all my fault.

We haven't been able to met for a while since I'm busy with Blake's investigation and helping Yang and weiss with their ball preparations.

What's happening while I was away from him?

I need to know

Everyone was hurt after fighting professor Glynnda and went to sleep early. I can hear their cry and mumbling before they fall a sleep. They must be shaken and feeling guilty with this accident, but It's not their fault, it's mine.

After confirming that they have fallen a sleep, I jumped down from my bed and quickly take my hood to protect me from cold. I don't have time to change my clothes, and I don't think I need to. I need to go to his side as fast as I can.

I sneaked out from my room and went to the infirmary, slipping through under the cover of darkness.

I was nearly caught by the security camera and the patrolling professor a few times, but I managed to slip out.

I'll certainly in trouble if they catch me. But I don't care.

I couldn't careless about the punishment, I need to see him no matter what.

But will he be happy to see me?

The though stopped me on my track.

What if he don't want to see me? What if his condition will just worsen after he see me?

But I still want to see him. I need to see him!

Fortunately, the door wasn't locked. So I can entered his room without breaking the door.

I walked toward him and looked at his sleeping form,

He looks so innocent and peaceful in his sleep. Just what drive him to commit a suicide? It have to be me isn't it? Because I'm such an incompetent friend. Because I really don't deserve to be here?

Ever since the day we meet, we have been using each others as an escape path from all of our trouble.

Because we have each other we managed to survive in Beacon. we can become strong together

At least that's what I believed.

I climbed to his bed, and snuggling on his chest. I don't know since when or why, but being this close with him has always been giving me a feeling of relaxation.

I closed my eyes, trying to savour the situation we're in.

"It's all my fault…"

(Jaune POV)

I woke up with a sharp pain on my head.

The pain was so unbearable that I almost screamed in pain

The only thing I can see was a dazzling white light

I have heard that when you're die, you will see your life in flash back, is this it?

I waited and waited to see what my life has to offer. But there's nothing. If anything my eyes are now hurt due to starring to the light. Is that it? I have no life to see? I do hate my life but is it really this empty.

Then I realized I was just starring to a lamp.

I feel so stupid right now. Not that I'm that bright to begin with, but that was just embarrassing.

The next thing I noticed was that I'm lying on the bed.

And i also noticed a big red bulge lying on my chest.

"Ruby?"

Sleeping on my chest, is the red hooded prodigy.

Seeing her sleeping face, I was almost convinced that she's a real angel and I'm indeed in heaven.

But then, there's no way I'll go to Heaven after killing myself.

I tried to get up carefully, didn't want to disturb her sleep.

With her petite and slender body, She doesn't weight that much. But this position feels awkward.

Some people might forget it from time to time. But I'm a healthy boy at the peak of Puberty!

Having such a beautiful lady sleeping on my chest is not helping at all.

Being this close to her I can smells her body. She smells good. She smells like Roses just like her name implies mixed with a sweet scent of cookies.

I warped my hand around her. Her body is so soft and small. So delicate and fragile. It's almost like she'll break if I put too much force on her.

It feels like hugging my little sister back home, but it's different. She's not my sister.

I feel happy, even just for a bit she reminds me to my sister back home.

I wonder how she is now. Ever since I was locked In my room I haven't see her face for a few years. She must be growing into a beauty like our mother, and strong like our grandfather. I miss them.

I rubbed Ruby's short silky hair, remembering that I used to do this to Jeane back home.

"mmmm…." Ruby let out a moan and slowly. Did I do it too hard? I haven't done this for a while so maybe my skill in rubbing hair is rusted. Well, it's not something to be proud of anyway.

She realized my hands that's embracing her and looked up to see me while rubbing her eyes, She reminds me to a new born puppies.

"….. ermmm… Morning Rubes…" I greeted her with a small smile on my face.

"…Jaune?" she asked, still half sleeping. "JAUNE! You're awake!"

Fully awake, Ruby jumped toward my wounded body, accidentally using her semblance and hit me with her dash from point blank.

"Ow….." I groaned in pain, no matter how many times I take it, painful things are still painful.

"What were you thinking? We were so worried!" she shouted, "I tought you'll leave! I tought you'll leave me alone!" Her hands are warping around my chest tightly, not wanting to let go.

"I'm sorry…"

"You better be! Do you know how worried I am?"

Ruby buried her face in my chest and Hugging me as tightly as she can.

"…. Don't do it again…." She said, a slight tone of sadness can be spotted in her voice.

"Can't promise…" I smiled bitterly and answer her

Unsatisfied with my answer, Ruby Pinched my cheeks while puffing hers, she's just too adorable like this.

We both share a small laugh and dropped to the bed, Ruby's still snuggling on my chest.

We spend the next minutes in silence, feeling each others warmth in solace. I bet Yang is going to kill me if she see me embracing Ruby like this. She's over protective enough to do that, but I didn't care. I just want to savour this moment

We didn't do anything, we didn't say anything, but it's enough for me. I hope this peaceful moment can go on forever. But it's not.

Ruby was the one who break the silence.

"Why did you do it?"

I was taken back, That question surprise me a bit.

I mean, why can't i? don't she know that three of our classmate already done it before me? Don't she know that they have much better circumstance than me? Don't she know how much I have endured and gone through?

No! she must be don't know about it. She's too naïve and innocent for that. I can't get angry for something she doesn't know.

"Sorry to make you worried, I-I just can't take it anymore Ruby… "

"… Why?"

"Because… I'm weak Ruby… Just like my father always said, I'm a failure… a disgrace to my family.

"Jaune! I'm sure you'll be okay! You'll improved! I'm sure of it!"

"Ruby… Sorry but… We're already her for half a year and I'm still far from being an average….. I just… I just I don't have a talent to be a hunter. I know that but I still tried… But reality is harsh you know? No matter what I did, it's useless. I can't get stronger to protect you guys and everything dear to me."

Ruby blushed a bit when Jaune said he want to become strong to protect her. But she quickly pushed the though away.

"Don't be silly! Everyone can get stronger! It might be a bit slow for you. But You just have to train harder than before!"

I did! I trained harder than I ever did in the past. I trained with Pyrrha, followed by training alone until late at nigh. But they're all useless. I might have gotten stronger compared to the first time I came to Beacon, but I can't even defeat a Beowulf alone!

Jaune wanted to scream, but he tried his best to hold it up in his heart. Not wanting to let out his anger and frustration to his friend who genuinely cared for him.

"Try to be more focused on your study!"

I did! I focused on the lessons, I write everything they said to my book. I reviewed everything when I take a break from training! But look at me! Death last!

"Think about your family!"

I can't! I lost my grand father, disowned by my father, separated from my sister, forgotten by my mother, unexisted for my big sisters I have never saw before. Family? I only have my little sister now, and she's should be much better without me.

Ruby, Please! Stop!

"Everyone has their own circumstance, but they still go on with it."

Ruby, that logic is like saying you can't be sad because other people have it worse, or you can't be happy because someone have it better than you. No! it doesn't work like that! Bad things are bad things!

"Everything will be okay!"

I tried to commit suicide! That's already not okay! It won't be okay!

"You can't let yourself fell into despair just because of that!"

I can feels my heart breaking. Why her out of all people? Why can't she understand me? I though we are friend! I though you of all people should know my pain!

Just because of that? It's not Just! Ruby! Everyone have a limit and I'm sure mine is actually quite high compared to average.

"Jaune… I'm your friend… I… we can help you! "

Please stop talking!

"…I understand how you feel…"

That was the last straw.

You don't understand. You don't understand at all. There's no way you're understand. I though understand, but you're not!

I'm already beyond help!

I'll show you what's desperate is!

**(LEMON START)**

I pulled her petite body closer to my embrace.

She was surprised and confused with my action until I forced my lips to hers.

She protested and trying to push me, but I'm still going. She can't stop me now.

She struggled a bit, but soon she began to accept my kiss.

Seeing there's no real struggle I became even more daring.

I moved my hands to invade her clothes, touching up her silk white skin. Starting from her back, I move to her breasts. They're not as big as Yang nor small like Weiss, but it's perfect for me as I can take it all in my palm.

She let out a delightful moan every time I squeezed them. She must be very sensitive here.

I wanted to play with her marvelous breasts a little bit longer, but I can't! I'm not doing this to make us feels good, I'm doing this to teach her about despair! With that in mind, I released her breast.

She tried to stop me from moving my hand from her breast, but I ignored her and move to her most delicate spot.

She was scared when my hand went to her delicate spot, Fully aware of what I'm trying to do.

"No! Jaune! Please! stop!" she pleaded. Trying to get away from me. "Jaune… please… don't do this… I'm,.. I'm not ready yet!"

I ignored her plea, and silencing her with a hard slap.

It hurt me to do this to her.

She let out a painful scream when my hand came in contact with her cheeks, but she understand my message and stop talking.

To prevents her from escaping, I pinned her petite body with my own using our difference in height to my advantage.

Her eyes began to get watery. She looked at me with her usual puppy eyes. Begging me to stop without words.

Usually her cuteness will do her wonders. But not in this condition, she can't always use it to get away. It'll just drag her down further. Why do you think someone can get addicted to raping? That's because they love their victims struggle, their victims tears, their pleading and begging.

She need to learn.

She need to know

She need to experienced despair.

I decided to move to the next step.

With a quick yank, I ripped out her clothes.

She tried to call for help

But I silenced her again with another kiss.

It feels like an eternity, but in reality it was just a few seconds.

I kissed her with all my passion, with all my desire. And she returned my kiss, abandoning her idea to call for help. I admit that I'm not an expert in this, I know that this is just an awkward kiss but for us it's everything we cared about at the moment.

As we parted away to take our breath, a trail of saliva is formed between our lips

I looked down at her, Ruby's lying on the bed, Panting and sweating. Tears keep flowing down to her cheeks.

I have passed the point of no return

I took out my waiting member and guide it to her delicate spot

She was shocked to see it. It's as if she never seen one before.

I won't be surprised if it's indeed the case. Ruby is innocent and pure. Plus Yang is too overprotective to her.

More reason for me to defile her.

She's too naïve. And those naivety will kill her sooner or later. The world is not a happy place like how she believe it is.

She tried to resist and kicked me in the face.

It was hurt, but I don't mind. She'll feel much worse pain soon after all.

I pulled her leg that kicked me and spread them open.

"No! Jaune! Please! Noooooo! AAAHH!"

She cried in pain as soon as I forced my member in and teared up her innocence. I took her innocence forcefully. Blood dripped out as the sign of her lost innocence. Her entire body are shaking due to the pain

"It hurts! It hurts! Jaune, Please… pull it out! I'm begging you… AAAaa!"

She cried even harder. Her beautiful eyes are filled with tears, her hair is a mess, and she got this pained expression on her face.

Even I feels sorry looking at her like this. But I didn't pull it out, instead I forced all my member even deeper inside her.

By each passing seconds, The more I tasted her body, the more I get addicted to it.

I forcefully spread her open, kissing every part of her body I can reach,

Her painful screams are slowly replaced by sweet moan.

She no longer resisted by pushing me away as she used her hands to embrace me.

For a moment we forgot about everything around us and making out with everything we have.

It was supposed to be an awfull experience for her, but she looks enjoying it instead. Did I do it wrong? I don't care anymore. It just feels too good.

The vile act continued for around half and hour. And it ended with us cuming together. Her body stiffened as I dumped all my load inside her. I have really done it this time, i might have got pregnant, but it doesn't matter now.

For a few seconds we didn't move, wanting to savour the moment for a little bit longer. Sharing a one last kiss.

**(LEMON END)**

As I fall to the bed besides her, my rage from before has been washed away by the pleasure and fatigue.

I began to think clearly again, and it feels awful.

I realized what I just did to her and just how wrong was that.

I remembered every part of it clearly, guilt began to enveloped me as I replaying the scene and sensation in my head.

Her addictive body

Her sweet moan

I enjoyed every moment of it.

And to make it worse, I did it over and over again.

I took her first kiss, I touched her delicate spot, I took her innocence, I impregnate her several times. And I did it all just because I was angry?

I looked at her tattered form in the bed.

What have I done? What have I done to my friend? My Best friend? Someone who cares about me!"

"R-Ruby?"

I touched her shoulder, trying to get her attention. But she just glanced at me with an empty eyes before pulling the blanket to cover her face.

She didn't say anything nor push me away, but I know that she hate me. I already did something unforgivable to her. I already took something I can't return to her.

I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I don't know what was I thinking!

So I ran away, I grabbed my clothes and ran away leaving her alone on the blood stained bed.

What have I been doing up until now? What kind of dreams I have been chasing around? I laughed at how foolish I am. I laughed at how pathetic I am.

I'm not a hero. I have never been a hero, and i will most certainly won't became a hero.

I'm just a failure! a criminal! a trash! a rapist!

I'm the worst….

I want to die!

No! I must die!

I run aimlessly in the dark corridor.

Without nowhere to go, I just ran away with all my might. I passed through a couple of people but I ignored them and keep running.

When I stop, I arrived at an old storage. I get inside, trying to search for anything to end myself.

After searching around, I managed to find some old scalpels.

I took them and pointing it to my wrist. The scar from my earlier attempt was already healed. But a slight line of scar is still there.

I slashed my hand, but learning from my previous failure one cut won't be enough.

So I slashed, slashed and slashed

I slashed my hand a dozens of time.

?

But No matter how much I cut myself, i got no wound at all.

This scaple is dull!

Why do they keep such a dull scaple here? Shouldn't they have throw it away or something?

I picked up another scaple and cut my hand again. But much to my annoyance it's also dull.

I tried the others without luck. Scaple, razor blades, scissors. I tried to use anything sharp there. But all of them are dull. Is this where they keep the dull blades? Are they planning to sharpen them in the future or recycling it? Who cares! But if that's true then I can only get the sharp ones in the operation room, and there's no way I can get it without getting caught.

I throw the dull blades away in frustration and fall to the floor. Regretting what I have done to my best friend.

"I'm so sorry Ruby… I'm so sorry…"

(Normal POV)

Back in the infirmary, Ruby is still curling up on the bed. Wrapping herself with the blanked to cover up her bare body.

But despite what just happened to her, She doesn't looks shocked, nor she looks sad and frightened.

Instead, she's smiling.

She snuggled in the blanked, sniffing the smell on it with a bright blush on her cheeks.

(Ruby POV)

For the longest of time, I only have Yang to protect me, to make me strong.

But now that I have met Jaune he have become someone irreplaceable to me. He's a big brother figure, my bestfriend and a my family.

He was the one who make me stay strong, knowing that I'm not the death last in Beacon, knowing that age doesn't matter in term of fighting, Knowing that he's there for me.

You can say that I have an inferior complex.

I have always been feeling insecure with attending beacon this fast. No matter what Yang and Principal Ozpin said, skipping 2 years is just too much for me!

I'm still a kid compared to the others here.

I'm not special

I was just lucky

Lucky that I have uncle Qrow and Yang to train me.

Lucky that I have enough talent to keep up with them.

Lucky that I have someone to help me.

Lucky that I have the chance.

Lucky that I met up a famous criminal by chance.

Lucky that there's a professional Huntress to assist me.

I was just lucky

I can't blame them to hate me. After all, they're all have been working hard to the point of spilling blood just to be accepted in Beacon, and I who's much younger and do less work than them is accepted by skipping grade just because I beat up some grunts. And like pouring salt to wound, I even better than most of them in fighting.

My sister and friends can accepted me because they're stronger than me, because they're better than me in almost every way possible. But what about the weak one? I'm also the weak one.

I feel out of place to be together with the strong people like them. I'm just a weak girl. I don't deserve to be with them. But I can't go to the weak side either, they resent me, hate me even.

It hurts to be here. And no one understand how I feel.

Only him.

Only him accepted me despite being far weaker than me.

He understood my problem as he's also suffering from the same problem.

He didn't get jealous nor resented me when something good happened to me.

Instead, He'll be happy for me

He doesn't look down on me because I'm younger.

He's also socially awkward like me.

He helped me with my studies despite he's struggling with it himself.

He helped me to train despite being weaker than me.

When I'm alone he'll come and play with me.

When I was sad he'll get me a cookies and console me

He's always been there when I need him without asking for anything

My first friend in Beacon, my fellow socially awkward, my one and only best friend

My most precious person

When he attacked me, I was taken back, I was scared

But… in the same time I also feel like finally someone need me.

That I deserve to be here.

That I can finally repay him for all he did for me.

That he need me And I need him, We're completing each other

Then I realized something.

I was his best friend and yet, I don't know anything about him and his problems.

Even tough we comforted each other every night I'm the only one who's saved.

Even tough I knew he liked weiss I didn't do anything to support him.

Why did I do that? They're both my friend. I would be more than happy to see them together. So why?

Is that because deep down I don't want them to be together?

That I know that he'll spend less time with me if he's dating Weiss?

That she'll be more important than me?

Is that why?

Even now, I didn't fight back

I can easily push him away. I'm weak, but I'm still far stronger than him, I can lift Crescent Rose that's bigger than my own body with ease and she's really heavy. It'll be an easy task to push him away.

So why did I let him have his way to me? We're just a friend, we shouldn't be doing this. He loved Weiss, and Pyrrha also loved him. I know that!

So Why did I let him took my innocence?

Because I want to be more than just a friend?

Because I want to be his support?

Because I don't want him to leave me?

Is that why? Because I wanted him to be mine?

I loved his companion

I loved the affection he gave me.

I loved how he's always managed to cheer me up.

I loved how he's always so kind to me.

And I would be lying if I say I didn't enjoyed how he raped me.

All his touch, all his kiss, all the pleasure he gave me. Even the pain he gave me when he took my innocence.

I love it all.

I pulled the blanket higher to cover up all of my face and hide my blush.

"Do I… love Jaune?"

I keep questioning myself before the fatigue started to affect me and I was slowly forced to sleep.

"…..yes I do…"

I answered my own question before I finally fall to a deep slumber

* * *

(Normal POV)

In the dark corridor outside of the infirmary, watching the whole accident throught the glass wall was a man who's accompanied by his trademark mug on his right hand and a scroll in his left hand. Almost invisible to the world if only the light from the scroll didn't reveal his where about.

On his scroll was a video footage from the storage room where Jaune was trying to kill himself again. He has been following the boy ever since he left Ruby and arrived to the storage with the security camera that was scattered all over the place. He even recorded some part of it.

Especially the part where Jaune slit his own hand.

"Interesting….."

He said with an amused tone as he take another sip from his mug.

* * *

**Can't say that was the best chapter I ever made…. **

**And… anyone know how fast can a girl showing pregnancy symptom?**


End file.
